There are a number of reasons why women are not excited when they become pregnant, even if they already have a child. This might be outside their plan, it might be that they don’t look forward to aches and pains, but they are excited about the end result, etc. Doctors and real parents explain why it is normal not to fit the stereotype of the bright mother-to-be.
I am transparent in my articles for hestopics, and here I am again with a confession: I am madly in love with my daughters, both under the age of 5, but who have had trouble getting pregnant. I was at high risk both times and even though I understood and appreciated that I was growing in life, I felt incredibly embarrassed by my 80 lb weight gain with Baby 2. During the last weeks of pregnancy with 2lbs, I woke up every morning and silently prayed that today would be the day when my water would break. (She eventually arrived on the scheduled date of delivery!) A therapy and watching the movie Waitress, about a mom who has trouble accepting her pregnancy, made me feel better on the days when I had the blues “I hate to be preggo”. (Well… I really guess the “roses” since I had girls.)
I felt guilty for not liking being pregnant, neither, especially since many women have trouble conceiving, including beloved friends. In this column, I consulted other moms and a mental health expert on how to accept your feelings of “I hate being pregnant” and accept them as the new normal – shameless mom.
At press time, Utah mom McKinzie is just weeks away from the Baby 2 meeting. This was a difficult pregnancy for her as she battled gestational diabetes, flu, kidney stones, gallbladder attacks, emergency room visits and other pregnancy complications. She is looking forward to meeting her daughter, but in the meantime, she has found ways to emotionally overcome this pregnancy; mainly by staying busy via a blog, TodayMommy. “I found support in Facebook groups related to moms, as well as through blogs. It was a great way to use my stimulating experiences to help other moms. It was also cathartic to be able to share what I had experienced.”
In trying to stay as positive as possible during her current pregnancy, McKinzie says that strengthening friendships also helped her, emotionally, and kept her busy during bed rest.
“I wrote cards to people in my community. I would write anonymous cards to people, mentioning the qualities I liked, something they had done that impressed me, or just a happy thought or quote,” she says. (Who doesn’t like to receive a nice handwritten card in the mail rather than invoices?) “After I mailed it, I got excited imagining how they would feel when they read their card. It made me happy to know that I could become someone’s day!
According to New York-based psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig, it is not uncommon for some women to experience a range of feelings (including negative ones) about pregnancy and being pregnant. “There is this mythical idea and this strong expectation, culturally, that women will love everything that has to do with being a mother – from pregnancy – and having children, so it can be surprising to upset when a woman has strong emotions that thwart that idea.” Some women, she adds, struggle to adapt to their growing bodies, feel “out of control” of their bodies and may feel overweight and unattractive.
Her advice for moms who don’t “connect” to pregnancy is: “Mothers-to-be may feel like they want to be pregnant – don’t judge yourself for some uncomfortable feelings that might arise. It’s time to take care of yourself and give you an extra “TLC” (tender and loving care) both physically and emotionally. “
Talking to understanding and understanding friends or taking short-term support advice is also something to consider, she says. Don’t rule out some tips if you think you need them; Many therapists specialize in postpartum and can help you manage your emotions. Ask your OB-GYN, or mom’s friends, for therapist referrals.
Baby Love At First Sight
New Hampshire mother of two, Dahlia, founder of Buckle Me Baby Coats, can work in a child-related industry, but admits it’s been a tough pregnancy.
“I didn’t enjoy my second pregnancy at all. The novelty of all the “firsts” was over. I felt huge and exhausted, plus I had a little to face.
Dahlia also had a huge and guilty fear of not loving her second baby as much as her first child. “I loved the first one so much that I couldn’t believe I had room for another – and that made me so unhappy. It was probably also the hormones!
Once Baby 2 was born, everything changed, emotionally. ‘I totally fell in love with his ‘starfish’ hands and his sweet baby’s smell, so everything was fine!”
Food For Thought
Says Dr Ludwig: “We have very specific ideas about how mothers should feel about their children, even before they are born. Therefore, we do not make room for real reactions or reality, culturally. »
The real reactions and feelings of mothers, especially if they are not in tune with our idealized image of the perfect mother, could be very frightening to address, she explains.
“For this reason, women, who may not feel as connected as they think, are afraid to discuss their honest feelings for fear of being judged – by others and by themselves – as “bad mothers.”
Talk About Your Emotions. You Are Certainly Not Alone.
Dr Ludwig adds: “When we cannot discuss actual reactions to important life events, this creates a blockage of communication that can very easily lead to a lack of understanding of motherhood/pregnancy as it can really be.
Remember, as these Internet memes say: there is a reality – and there are expectations. The same goes for pregnancy. Find support and recognize your feelings, everything will be fine, Mom.
If you still don’t feel like yourself after giving birth, take a moment to read about postpartum depression.